


six feet under

by womanonthemoon



Category: Avengers (Comics), Captain America (Comics), Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama & Romance, Eventual Romance, F/M, Motorcycles, Reader-Insert, Romance, bad boy bucky
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-12-25 09:46:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12033348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/womanonthemoon/pseuds/womanonthemoon
Summary: you meet him at church, he might just be satan





	1. chapter 1

The cigarette hangs between his lips like a chain as his bruised and tattooed calloused hands run over his face, exhaustion steadily creeping up on the man in front of you. His eyes shift to yours and he gives you a smirk before pulling the cigarette from his lips, “Can I help you with something, babygirl?” He asks his signature grin never once swaying, you swallow thickly your eyes daring to look at him and when you do you can’t help the fire that ignites inside of you.

You stay quiet, your breath taken away because the man in front of you with the long jet-black hair and leather jacket that clung to him was mesmerising. You had never seen a man like him before in your life. “Cat got ya tongue?” He asks chuckling darkly when you don’t reply.

You gulp not knowing what else to do, his voice is sweet as nectar and as addicting as honey. “You can’t park here, it’s where the priest parks.” You say once you finally had regained your composure and realised what building you’re standing outside of. The church looms in the background and reminds you of just how sinfully good looking the man in front of you is.

He laughs again, the sound deep and guttural before he smiles up at you his eyes raking over your body and landing on your exposed legs. He brings the cigarettes dangling between his fingertips up to the lips you find yourself shamelessly staring at before taking a drag. His actions make you shake your head.

“You can’t do that either especially not outside a church, sir.” You say as well-mannered as you could because the man in front of you made you want to wield tattoos and smoke as idly he did. He laughs again at your words, dropping his cigarette and smiling at the sight of the ashes on the ground. The man gets up off his motorcycle grinning at you.

“This is a free country and babygirl I can do whatever the hell I want.” He says the devilish smirk on his face making you suck in a breath, he watches your reaction and smiles to himself.

“I doubt the priest would appreciate that sentiment.” You reply after allowing yourself to breathe, smiling slightly at the mysterious man against the gleaming motorcycle.

He chuckles at you, smiling widely in a way you knew the devil must do. “Good thing I have found someone much prettier to impress.” His drawl's as husky as it's intoxicating, his voice suddenly made you no longer want to go inside the church and listen to the Priest’s dull voice. You wanted the man in front of you up on the altar calling you babygirl and telling you all how sinful but delicious lust and temptation can be.  
You smile trying to hide the heat rising to your cheeks, your eyes locking on the ground not knowing if you can take any longer looking directly at the devil himself. What they had told you growing up and in church was right, the devil’s temptation is hard to resist. 

“I haven’t seen you around here before.” You say knowing you need to change the topic of conversation before you give into the man in front of you.

He smirks at you, a smirk you try your hardest to ignore and then replies, “Men like me don’t tend to come to churches babygirl.” He says it again – babygirl and your heart races, your heart rate erratic at the velvety smooth tone he adopts.

“Men like you?” You ask in confusion and then he’s laughing again, the laugh you can’t seem to escape because everything you say seems to be funny to the leather clad man.

He runs a hand through his raven hair, “Sinners, babygirl.” He answers and the look of shock that passes throughout your features makes him laugh again, his smirk staying soundly on his face.

“You shouldn’t say things like that.” You reply, your eyes darting around the church parking lot spotting members of clergy approaching the entrance. You could feel their eyes on you as well as the sinful man in front of you wondering what a girl like you was doing talking to a boy like that.

“I thought I told you babygirl, I can do whatever the fuck I want.” He says proudly before drawing closer to, his rough hands meeting the soft skin of your plump cheeks. You don’t know how to breathe as his thumb swipes across the pink flesh of your bottom lips his eyes never once leaving yours.

You’re rigid, more still than you had been in your entire life as his fingers trail down your neck expertly finding your pulse point. A laugh escapes his lips as he feels the rapid thump of your rising pulse beneath his flesh, the effect he has on you making him resist a groan of pleasure.

“What’s your name, babygirl?” He asks his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear making a shiver run down your spine. You could feel yourself growing hotter every time his fingers danced over your skin.

You have to a take a deep breath, the closeness of his body to yours setting you on a fire as if you had found your way to the deepest depths of hell. You reply as calm as you can be when you feel his rough hand press against your lower back. “Y/N.”  
He smiles against the side of your cheek, “Beautiful but I prefer babygirl, don’t you?” He asks and you nod a couple of times trying (and failing) to keep your composure. He laughs again, the sound has become addictive and you secretly yearn to hear him laugh more because it’s just as sinful as his appearance.

“Good, babygirl.” He says with a smile that makes heat pool in between your legs. His fingers find their way to your chin cupping it and pulling you closer to him, your lips painstakingly close to one another. “My name’s Bucky but I prefer it if you called me sir again.” His lips inch closer to yours as his hand drops lower on your back.

“God the things you do to me.” He says when you involuntarily bite down on the subtle pink flesh of your bottom lip. You swear you hear a groan pass his lips but don’t have any time to ponder over it because his lips are approaching yours.

His forehead presses against your own as his hands encase giving you nowhere to go but to him, as if you wanted to be anywhere else but with the stranger in the church parking lot who liked to call you babygirl and liked you to call him sir. 

You can feel the fire inside of him, you can feel it growing stronger and closer with each rise of your chest. His effect on you was one you had never experienced but all the men who had danced their way into and out of your life were like you, plain, law abiders who went to Church every Sunday and prayed they would reach Heaven. Now you weren’t so sure, a part of you prayed to go to hell because you knew the man in front of you had been scorched by a hell fire and bathed in the seven deadly sins.

“Y/N!” You hear your name and know immediately whose voice is calling out to you, it’s your mother and when you finally remove your eyes from the masterpiece that is Bucky you can see her and the look of anger on her face.

Bucky smiles at the embarrassed look on your face before turning his head to look at your approaching mother. “A good girl with a bad boy, we’re match made in hell babygirl. Don’t forget that.” He says his thumb running over your bottom lip once more as he smirks down at you. He removes himself from you quickly at the sound of your mother’s high heels clicking against the concrete. Bucky retreats back to his motorcycle pulling out another cigarette and lighting it, laughing at the gasps and looks of horror from other church goers. You dare to look at him, he winks and suddenly you have no strength to stand.

You tear your eyes away when your mother stands in front of you, her hands on her hips and a look of scrutiny on her features. “What do you think you’re doing?” She asks and all of a sudden you want to be back with Bucky, your eyes wander to him and you’re met with the sight of him smoking and talking with a large blonde man. “Y/N!” She says to focus you so reluctantly you tear your curious eyes away from Bucky and the new stranger next to him.

“I don’t know what you mean.” You say but your mother laughs bitterly not believing you and your unconvincing lies.

“Look Y/N I love you and I want what’s best for you and I can tell you know whoever the low life is in the leather jacket is not good for you. He looks like he belongs in hell with Lucifer.” She says shaking her head as her eyes lock on Bucky and his friend, he doesn’t look too engrossed in the conversation he’s having with the blonde man beside him.

You say nothing knowing it’s best not to argue with your mother, she smiles full of joy as you don’t reply. “Do you understand Y/N, what I’m trying to say, what I’m trying to do?” She asks and you nod.

“Yes I understand mother, there’s a place in heaven for me but if I surround myself with that man and people like him my place will be gone and the Lord will no longer love me.” You were as obedient as you knew your mother liked and she did because she broke out into a wide grin.

“Good, now let’s get inside it’s about to begin.” She says and you nod. You follow her reluctantly into the church, you try to look back at Bucky but your mother is doing everything in her power so that you don’t.

You enter the church and let out a breath you didn’t know you were keeping in, Bucky had taken your breath away and you were sure you wouldn’t be able to breathe around him if you ever saw him again. You sit there and worship but not the God you had yet to witness bur rather the God you had just met in the parking lot.


	2. chapter 2

Sky the colour of exhaled cigarette smoke greets you as you walk down the street, you look up eyes fixated on the grey clouds that remind you of plumes of smoke. It seems as if everywhere you go a reminder of the leather-clad man follows you. You can’t help but gaze up at the skies praying to the God your mother made you both fear and love that Bucky would return and when he did he would finally press his chapped lips to your own soft pink ones. He’s temptation walking and you’d do anything to give into it, give into him.

Your thoughts full of leather jackets and motorcycles turn into a reality when the deep bellow of pure American muscle rings through the air; it’s so loud you’re sure the entire population of the small town you reside in must be able to hear it. You turn your head painfully quick to the road beside you hoping to see the devilishly handsome man of your dreams but instead, you see the religion to which he belongs to.

Ladies on the side of pavement stop and gawk beside you at the sight, a gang of men in leather jackets and vests on motorcycles. It was like something out of a movie, the sight was glorious to behold but others around you did not think the same way. “Can you believe them? Who do they think they are?” A slender blonde woman beside you asks and it’s only then to do you realise you’re as stationary as the gossiping lady.

Your eyes never leave the smoke fumes exiting exhaust pipes as the blonde woman’s friend replies, “A bunch of criminals and thugs, that’s who they are. It's despicable men like them who have done things like they have, shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near civilisation.” You recognise that voice it belongs to one of your mother’s friends from church, Cecilia.

You don’t bother to look up at the women beside you who are still chattering away about the mysterious group of men on bikes sauntering around the town. You only want to look at the glimmer of polished black zooming about the streets.

Bucky pops into your head again, you can imagine him driving you to freedom and blue skies, showing you the hellfire he was sculpted from. You know you want whatever it is that man has to offer, even a simple touch of the hand would be enough to make the same hellfire burn brightly inside of you. You can imagine the tarnished Adonis gripping the bars of his bike tightly, his knuckles going white as his long hair flaps around in the wind. You can imagine him pulling over just to light one up, smoking until the sky is as dark and captivating as he is.

You’re still standing on the pavement eyes locked on the road when you hear the roar of an engine, you turn your head quickly in the direction of the sound and the sight you see is both heavenly and hellish. It’s him, it’s Bucky riding down the streets like he owns it. He owns you, you’re sure of it, even more, when he spots you on the pavement and pulls up beside you.

You don’t think it’s possible to feel what's inside of you, it’s indescribable the effect he holds over you. You know one thing and one thing only, Bucky will be the death of you. Six feet under and you’re sure every part of you would still belong to the mystery that he is.

Chatter starts up again all around you as Bucky smirks, his eyes never leaving your form. His gaze rakes over your exposed legs and he hums in appreciation. “If it isn’t my babygirl,” he says eyes stuck firmly on the small cleavage from the white sundress your wearing. He thinks you look beautiful in white, so innocent but Bucky knows he would love to see you in his colour: black.

You don’t try to filter your reaction and gain control because the man in front of you holds all the power and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You smile nervously at him and he loves it, every single moment of it because he loves the control, he craves it.

You say nothing to him not knowing what to say, you feel as if you should drop to your knees and worship at his feet. Your silence makes Bucky frown slightly but he recovers his smirk and asks, “You not talking to me, babygirl?”

You look up at Bucky and suddenly you don’t know to breathe but yet you reply to him shaking your head feverishly. “I shouldn’t be.” You say eyes wondering around the area to all the people who are staring at yours and Bucky’s interaction. Bucky’s eyes follow yours and he lets out a sharp laugh.

“Let’s go for a ride, get out of here. Just you and me, princess.” Bucky suggests because the thought of you to himself makes him forget momentarily about the burns all over him, being as devilish as he comes with a price.

Your eyes find those around you and can’t help but feel nervous under their scrutinising gazes, it was as if your mother was looking down on you. You’re too focused on them that you don’t realise the devil in the flesh has hopped off his motorcycle and is walking towards you. You don’t know till coldness spreads throughout your bones as he cups your cheek. You’re starting to like the cold but you secretly crave the heat beneath his surface.

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and it would be a real shame babygirl if I didn’t show you what you want.” Bucky says, his thumbs spreading the cold throughout your body as they swipe across your lips. Once they move to your cheeks you find yourself biting your lip chasing what you can’t have.

Bucky’s mesmerised the moment he sees your teeth peek out and rake heavily over the pink flesh of your bottom lip. “You’re gonna send me into an early grave, babygirl if you keep doing that.” He says eyes drawn to the broken skin of your lip, he wants to be the reason behind it.

You suck in a breath and ask, “What do I want?” He knows because for some reason you feel like he knows everything about you even your deepest and depraved desires.

He chuckles the sound causing specs of heat to pool in your stomach and then he says as his hands slither down and rest soundly on your ass, “Me.” It’s true. How, could you want anything or anyone that isn’t the man whose hand is down further south than it should be. You don’t feel and look so innocent now.

“I can’t.” You say eyes flicking towards the dropped jaws and wide eyes of the town’s people.

Bucky doesn’t follow your gaze because he knows and instead says, “You can, take my hand babygirl and I’ll give you what you want.” It’s like he can see right through you, he can see into your bare soul and he wants nothing more than to turn it into the dark shade of black that belongs to his own.

You want that too but above all you want him.

His hand slides away from your ass and grasps your hand, as soon as you feel his touch you know there’s no time to think. You move when he does, you follow as he leads to his motorcycle all eyes on you as you do so. Your attention is on Bucky and Bucky only.

He pulls the helmet from the handles and presents it to you, “I’d hate to mess your hair up babygirl.” He says with a smirk as he watches you take the helmet and put it on. “Still as beautiful as ever, princess.” He remarks before he sits on his motorcycle.

“What about you?” You ask referring to his helmet you’re currently wearing.

He smirks, “Sinners don’t wear helmets but good girls like you do.” He says before he pats the spot behind him beckoning you over.

You hesitantly place yourself behind him, wrapping your arms around his waist; the physical contact between you two making you believe you must be in a dream or a twisted version of reality because this here cannot be real. The devil can’t be real but yet you have your arms around his waist as the roar of an engine pulls you back into reality.

“Get ready babygirl because I’m gonna give you the ride of your life. There’s no going back now.” Why would you want to?

You hold onto Bucky tight as the world blurs around you and the gaping, gawking faces distort as Bucky passes them by without a care. You don’t look back, eyes planted firmly forward as Bucky drives down a long and winding road.

Your lips ghost over his neck as you draw yourself closer to Bucky, relishing in the way your body seems to fit his like two matching puzzle pieces. It was like good girls were made for bad boys. You sigh in content as you take in the sights you zoom past, everything is peaceful and quiet the only noise you can hear is the steady whirl of the engine as Bucky drives. You don’t know where you’re going, he could drive you off a cliff and you’d still love every moment of it.

As long as you’re close to him nothing else matters.

He looks like a vision as he drives and for a moment he’s no longer the devil in leather, he’s a god bathed in the golden glow of the sun as his hair dances freely in the wind. It’s concerning how you picture him but you know it doesn’t matter which one he is because you would still fall to your knees for him. Bucky would love to see the sight but in an entirely different scenario.

You know it’s going to be sooner rather than later till you drop to your knees for him because he’s soon pulling into a small field all motion stopping completely. It’s still and calm for a moment as you reluctantly unwrap your arms from around his waist, but then he speaks and your world is thrown into a frenzy once more.

“Say my name.” He says and you look at him smiling slightly.

“Bucky.” His name rolls with ease off your tongue.

You go to remove the helmet and when you’re done and off the bike Bucky says, “I thought I told you I prefer sir.” He smirks as your eyes go wide.

You shake your head, “I can’t call you that.” You reply feeling heat rise to your cheeks as Bucky stares at you shamelessly.

He chuckles and says, “Oh, don’t worry babygirl soon you’ll be screaming it.”

You feel a small amount of confidence and edge as you reply, “Is that a promise?” You ask taking Bucky by surprise but he keeps smirking nonetheless.

He tuts walking towards you and says, “No babygirl, that’s a fact.”

You shake your head again at him before you sit down on the grass, he looks down at you and you look up at him, the same way worshippers do when they pray to their God.

“Why did you bring me here?” You ask after a few brief moments of silence gesturing towards the greenery around you.

Bucky smirks at you again before sitting down next to you, one hand draping over your neck. He looks at you, you’re both equal now even though you both know he holds all power and control. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you, my good little girl who makes me lose control.” His lips are against your ear as shivers run down your spine.

His effect is more powerful than ever.

“Why?” You ask as your eyes tear away from him and look out to the skies that are now blue and full of life.

Bucky doesn’t answer, he feels he doesn’t need to because your beauty and presence answer that question for him. Instead, Bucky asks, “Do you like being a good girl?”

You don’t know how to respond so you don’t making Bucky begin speaking again, “If you do, enjoy it because soon you’ll be mine and I’ll show you how fun it can be to be a sinner like me.” His words leave you breathless, it’s like he can read your mind because he knows all your thoughts and desires. It leaves you wondering how? But you don’t care because he wants it too.

“I shouldn’t be here with you.” You say making Bucky chuckle.

“But you are,” Bucky responds.

You look at up at him, he's staring down at you with such intensity like the sun beating down on your back. You take your time to stare into his eyes as blue as the sky and search for his soul but you can’t, it’s not there.

“Who are you?” You find yourself asking as you keep searching for what he doesn’t have, all you can see is the blue of his eyes and nothing else. It’s terrifying but oddly exciting, Bucky just keeps surprising you.

“A bad boy who wants a good girl just as much as she wants him.” He keeps making you his equal but you can’t help but feel he’s above you in some way and for some reason. Maybe it’s the way he commands, the way he talks, the way he looks. There’s just something about him.

Bucky leans forward lips touching yours, all he needs to do is capture and entwine your lips but he doesn’t, he watches your chest with interest as it rises and falls. He can’t help but stare down at your cleavage, it makes heat rise rapidly to your cheeks as he does so. “You drive me crazy,” Bucky admits as his eyes trail up your body till they land on your lips which are painstakingly close to his own.

You want to scream at him to kiss you, you want him to pull you down onto the grass his body above yours and his lips finally pressing to your own. You want the fire inside of him to ignite and burn wildly as he ravages you. You want to find yourself bare before him, you want him to take you as passionately and as roughly as you had imagined.

None of that happens instead he speaks against your lips, “You should answer that.” He says making your eyebrows rise in confusion, what was he talking about?

Bucky notices your confusion and pulls back chuckling, “Your phone babygirl.” He notices your flustered and embarrassed state and adds, “Don’t worry babygirl, I love how much you get flustered around me, it drives me insane.”

You smile up at him before picking up the phone in your pocket you didn’t know was ringing like a bell, you look down at the screen full of missed calls from your mother. Bucky sees the disappointed look on your face and asks, “You leaving me babygirl?”

You nod reluctantly, “Being a good girl isn’t as fun as you think.” You reply with a small smile.

“Don’t worry because soon we’ll be together without any interruptions and we’ll both get what we want.” He puts your face in your hands and before you know it his cold lips are pressed to your cheek. The devil possesses you, your eyes are practically black and blown with lust and you love it.

You can barely stand as you get up, you can barely walk but you can mutter one thing to yourself, “God forgive me because I have found someone else to worship – the man whose wicked tongue I seek between my legs.”


	3. chapter 3

All you can think of is Bucky. You want his lips to burn every part of your flesh they can reach, you want burn marks to prove you have been touched by a god amongst mortals. You want him but it seems no one else wants you to.

Everywhere you go, every corner you turn your face the look of judgement on people’s faces and it’s all because of the motorcycle driving, leather wearing, tall, dark and handsome man of your dreams and their nightmares. They don’t see what you see, they don’t see the man who can make the devil jealous, the man whose very name makes you want to moan it whilst he takes you over and consumes you. All they see is what they want to.

You know it’s only a matter of time before the rumours reach your home and you’ll never be able to look upon Bucky again in all his sinful glory. You’ll have to pray aimlessly to a man you’ve made your God with no avail wondering when he’ll finally let you see him, all of him. The reality you live in is cold and harsh like winter but like the changing of the seasons, it is inevitable.

You’re walking down the streets of the small town you call home and everyone is staring at you, you can hear the faint whispers of those around talking about how they saw you get on Bucky’s bike and drive off to God knows where doing God knows what. You know what they’re thinking and you wish that it was true, you wish your darkest fantasies about Bucky had come true that day. You were one step closer but now you’re talk of the town and it seems like your dreams that leave you dripping might never come true.

You walk quick avoiding their looks of concern and judgment trying to get home before you stay too long and are met with their cruel words. You know you can’t handle what they have to say without blowing up and defending the man who has managed in the space of weeks to become your sole desire. Your feet move faster than you’re accustomed to as you hear an elder lady say, “Look at her go probably running off to that piece of filth boyfriend of hers. She better realise soon that he’s just like the rest of his friends on those stupid motorbikes nothing but trash. They’re all scum and I’d hate to see a pretty girl like herself be ruined by a man like him.”

You know how she thinks he’s going to ruin you but you want it, you want him to take you roughly, take you slowly, take you however he pleases, however you want. You want to him to do every single thing with you in the bible that is sinful, you want God to look down on you with disgust as he makes you moan and scream; as you make him moan deeply.

You shake your head slightly trying to get rid of the thoughts that leave your breathing harsh and heavy but like always you can’t find escape from Bucky and his devilishly handsome looks that you breathless. However, you can find escape from their looks and words in him, in his eyes the colour of blue that makes the word stand still, the blue that renders you speechless, the blue you want to be shielded in. In that blue of his eyes, you see the world you want to live in – his world.

You walk with him in mind hoping that when you reach home your liaisons with him will only exist on the streets and not in the home that frowns heavily upon you being anything and anybody else that isn’t the good little girl. You want to be the good girl but you want to be his good girl.

* * *

Home is the only where you feel safe from everybody else and their ideals that you refuse to conform to. You feel trapped, however, the more you stay inside afraid of the impending storm the more you feel as if you cannot go on. You need a saviour, someone to pull you from your house and away from the incoming storm of the town’s people and their judgement. You know only one person who can manage to pull off such a thing but you haven’t seen his bright blue eyes in days and you’re not sure you can live without seeing the fire you mistake for the sun that makes you shine like diamonds.

It’s only been days since you’ve seen him but you’re starved and practically begging for him, your parents are busy helping the church for a local fundraiser whilst you’re at home feeling the temptation burning as brightly as Bucky’s fire. You know it’s wrong to picture him naked and bare, his soul and body revealed to you as his name drips from your lips as sweet as honey

You can’t help the way your mind wavers to Bucky, no matter the place, no matter the time he weighs heavily on your mind and you love it.

It’s halfway through the second day of your isolation in means to escape people’s judgement when the doorbell chimes like a church bell. No one else is home so it’s you who is tasked with opening the door and you do reluctantly sad that your thoughts have come to an abrupt halt. When you finally reach the door and open it you’re met with a familiar face, it’s one of your oldest friends who looks like she’s about to burst at her seams.

“What happened?” You ask because you know her, you know she has something to tell you.

She smiles nervously at you shifting from foot to foot before replying to you but never once looking at you directly in the eyes. “Nothing I just came to warn you,” she replies and you find yourself tilting your head looking at her in confusion, what she was saying made no sense to you.

“Warn me about what?” you ask folding your arms against your chest and looking at your friend who seems to be looking everywhere but at you.

“You need to stay away from him Y/N,” she says and although you know who exactly your friend is referring to you still play the fool, it was like second nature to you.

“Who?” She looks at you briefly, eyes daring to land on you and when you catch her eyes your friend immediately casts her eyes down to the ground.

“Bucky.” How does she know him? You thought he was a mystery, a stranger who danced in the night and was gone with a gust of the wind. Clearly, that was not the case, Bucky was someone, someone that people besides you knew.

You can’t help the anger that flares throughout you as she says his name, the only person who says his name should be you because you say it with worship. The way his name deserves to be said.

Your friend notices this and says, “He’s not who you think he is. He may be attractive and exciting but believe me, he is good for you or for anyone. Everything, everybody he touches gets hurt or worse, he’s tainted don’t you see?” You shake your head furiously at her words.

“He’s not!” You insist but she shakes her head as defiantly as you do.

“He is, Bucky’s a man who deserves what has happened. He’s bad and he will destroy everything in his wake because he wants to. He’s a horrible man, he’s a messenger of Satan; do not be fooled by his good looks and charms he only wants to hurt you, you're not the first and you’re won’t be the last.” You want to be his one and only but you know he laid with many a girl before you but her words still hurt you.

“It’s not true!” You exclaim defending a man you know nothing about all except that you want him to consume you. You want him to make you shut out of paradise and falls to the depths illuminated in his hellfire.

“It is though. Can’t see you he has blinded you. You know Lillian who moved away a couple years ago? Well, it was because of him, because like you, she had been enthralled by his idle charm and bad boy looks. She was his to control and use; he did just that with no remorse. He ruined her, she couldn’t take it and now look at her she’s nowhere to be seen. I just don’t want the same thing to happen to you.” It’s hard to not let her words get to you because of Lillian, you know the carefree girl she used to be, she was happy but suddenly she changed, deteriorated and was a shell of the person she used to be.

As much as you wanted Bucky, you didn’t want a life like Lillian’s, full of sadness and away from the glow of Bucky’s fire. You nod at your friend trying to chase away the emotion showing up on your features but she sees them and is glad her words have resonated with you. “I should go now Y/N just please stay home till all this goes away and stay as far away from Bucky as possible,” she says and you nod your head once more watching as she walks down the steps and out of your driveway.

“Bye.” You say although you’re not sure who you’re actually saying it to, are you saying it to the man you desired whose whole existence for you had been ruined in a matter of moments?

You watch your friend’s retreating figure and for a second everything feels normal and your mind automatically goes to Bucky but then you see Lillian wrecked and destroyed the same way you’re sure you’ll be when Bucky’s done with you. You know you shouldn’t believe everything you hear but you were close to Lillian and you saw her before the pain drove her away from this town never to return again.

You can barely stand, all air stolen from your lungs as realisation dawns on you – Bucky is not the man you idolise in your head. It feels as if he’s a mere illusion, a figment of your imagination because the real Bucky was evil as the devil himself. At one point you would have bathed in the blood of the dead for him, you would have given everything to him in a Holy communion but now you were sure that he would take everything and do so with no remorse or regrets.

You don’t know how you can survive, Bucky’s the only way of escaping the dullness of everyday life, he’s exciting and new – because he knows that was what girls like you want, it’s what you need. He’s a predator and you’re his prey.

You feel yourself shrinking back into yourself wanting nothing more than to scream at the top of your lungs but nothing comes out. So, you sit in silence eyes fixated on nothing as you try to come to terms with what you’ve been told but you can’t, you refuse to believe but you know deep down Bucky’s no good.

* * *

You’ve successfully avoided Bucky and all traces of his existence for two weeks, you’ve stayed home slipping back into the role of the good girl with unexpected ease. Your mother is happy, too happy almost but you don’t pay much attention to it not when your body is burning and aching in Bucky’s absence. You need him despite what you know about him.

You’re sure it’s fate that brings you to him on a gloomy Sunday morning, you feel as if you have somehow travelled back to the past because there he is in all of his glory smoking idly in the church parking lot. He’s leaning against his motorcycle wearing a leather jacket that is practically a second skin. You can see everything, the outline and curves of his biceps to the faint sight of his chiselled chest and in that moment it’s as if everything you heard about him wasn’t true. He was just the Bucky that made you see the stars, the Bucky you wanted to drive off into the sunset with and worship day and night.

You see him before he sees you and your breath is taken away once more like it was that Sunday weeks ago. Nothing has changed he’s still as devilishly handsome as ever and in his absence, you believe he looks even more so.

“Babygirl!” He calls once his eyes lands on you stuck in the middle of the almost empty parking lot. You freeze eyes locking on the way his tongue peaks out of his lips and swipes across his bottom lip as he stares shamelessly at you liking the sight he’s met with.

Bucky picks himself off his bike standing straight and flashing you the smirk that makes your knees buckle involuntarily. You can’t control it, the way he makes you feel but like always you feel yourself wanting to give yourself to him. He walks forward striding with his head held high the ends of his long hair flapping slightly in the wind, it’s a glorious sight to behold and one you can’t seem to tear your eyes away from.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” Bucky finds himself murmuring as he approaches you, his fingers stroking down your cheek as his eyes zone in on your lips – the ones he’s been so painstakingly close to kissing.

You gulp making Bucky laugh, he assumes it because you’re nervous or embarrassed by his effect on you but it’s because you can’t keep your friend’s words out of your head. “How is it that you get even more delicious each time I see you?” Bucky asks his nose pressing to your head and inhaling, the scent of you filling his nostrils.

You say nothing and instead stand still and tense. “I should go,” you try to say but Bucky just laughs his hands moving from your face to the small of your back. You try to avoid his eyes the colour blue that makes you weak but it seems they are inescapable.

“I haven’t seen you in weeks babygirl, are you avoiding me?” Bucky says teasing but it’s the truth and at that the serious look on your face Bucky’s face drops.

He looks at you in the eyes and see fear and suddenly his mood changes. “What happened?” He asks his hand coming to your cheek but you shake your head trying your hardest to get away from him because you know if he touches you a second longer than you’ll be right where he wants you – on your knees.

“I have to go.” You say but Bucky shakes his trying to keep you to stay but you know you won’t survive any longer standing in front of him especially with the way he’s looking at you as if you’re his whole world and the thought you avoiding him is one he wishes were not true. He looks physically pained and it hurts more than anything. For a single fleeting moment, you want to run his arms and kiss passionately whilst the world beside you falls silent and still.

“Don’t –“ He goes to beg, to plead and for a moment you can see him on his knees pleading for you to stay and it breaks your heart. However, you stand strong.

“Bye.” You say tearing yourself away from Bucky despite how much you want to climb on the back of his motorcycle and go somewhere far away.

Bucky calls your name a chorus of ‘babygirls’ as you walk away, he tries to run after you but then he sees your righteous mother approaching you giving him a stern look overhead. He doesn’t want to cause you any trouble with your mother so reluctantly bites his tongue and stops himself from running after you. Instead, he watches you as you walk away


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter has more of bucky's pov and a little view into his life which will be mentioned later in detail. hope you like it!

A man’s ego is just as fragile as a woman’s heart, a dejected man is a man to be reckoned with and Bucky is no different. He’s seen a lot, been through a lot and the leather-clad handsome stranger is not going to let you slip out of his tight grasp not without getting into a fight first. Bucky’s had enough fights to know although he may be a little bloodied and bruised he’ll come out on top. His cockiness always shines through even despite the silent feeling of rejection he felt when you walked past him into the church where light seemed to blind everybody but him.

He’s a patient man who leans up against the sleek American muscle behind him, one hand digging into his pocket for another cigarette whilst the other flickers his lighter on and off. Bucky’s ocean blue eyes seem grey now in comparison as they gaze, almost glare at the entrance of the church only seconds away from his spot in the parking lot. Bucky knows he shouldn’t, he knows the kind of trouble he’ll get not only you in but himself in for doing this but he can’t help himself. The fire in him only burns brightly when you are around and he craves to see the wild embers illuminating your soft features.

You’re the girl that drives him crazy and Bucky would love nothing more for than you to drive him insane.

Bucky’s smokes his cigarette without a care, plumes of smoke billowing in the air as the addictive taste of nicotine hits him hard and fast. He needs something stronger to take the edge off but it will do for now as he waits patiently to see the girl who makes him lose all sanity. Bucky’s halfway through his second cigarette that’s eroding quicker than normal when a noise other than his own grunts and the sound of birds chirping rings through the ear. “Fuck,” he lets out a mumbled deep groan before discarding his cigarette to the ground and fishing his phone out of his pocket.

The name on the screen reads ‘Steve’ and Bucky sighs even deeper than before. “I’m busy,” he grunts into the phone as he shoves a hand into his pocket. The person on the other end of the phone laughs not caring at all at Bucky’s words.

Bucky taps his foot impatiently as he waits for his reply. “I bet you are, I heard from Sam Y/N’s looking real pretty today,” Bucky growls causing Steve to laugh even harder on the other end of the phone.

“What do you do want Steve?” Bucky grits out trying his hardest to hold back a growl from tearing itself from his throat. Steve is like him, they’re practically brothers and because of that he knows how to push Bucky’s limits and is doing so just for fun.

“We need you back at the bar, Scott was talking around to some people and all I’m gonna say is shit’s about to go down. We need you, Buck.” Bucky grimaces at the nickname his head jerking to the side as his face shrivels up in disgust despite Steve not being there to see his facial expression.

Bucky thinks deeply for a couple of seconds and as he goes to reply suddenly a hoard of noises fill his ears. His eyes dart quickly to the church entrance where dozens of people are spilling out, content smiles on their faces and halos above their heads.

The leather-clad man’s eyes roam around the crowd for you and when he sees you walking out glowing like the sun itself he smiles already thinking of approaching you again. “I’ll be there in a bit, I got this thing to do,” Bucky replies and he knows there’s no doubt Steve is smirking widely on his end of the phone.

Steve chuckles, “You better not smell like sex when you come back Buck,” he says and Bucky rolls his eyes.

“Fuck off Stevie,” Bucky grumbles into his phone not missing the stares and gawks of the town’s people who despise sinners like him.

Bucky sees you coming closer and the fire inside of him sparks again, soon the flames will roar and reach so high they’ll meet the sun - you.

Bucky doesn’t wait for Steve’s reply and instead quickly hangs up on as his eyes connect with yours across the parking lot. You can’t help but look at him longingly because every part of you craves whatever sinful plans he has for you. You know you shouldn’t feel the way you do, he ruins people and just for fun but parts of you want nothing more than for him to take control, to use you for his own desire. There’s just something about Bucky that makes you and you’re sure every woman want to bend to his will.

Your breath hitches in your throat as he looks upon you, is that affection you see in his eyes? Or is it desire? Either way, you love the way he looks at you as if there aren’t a bevvy of girls he makes fall to their knees. You find yourself not being able to move as your heart tells you to lurch towards the man, to grasp the lapels of his faded leather jacket and moan his name softly as his lips bruise your neck staking his claim on you. Your head, however, tells you he’s no good, that being with him will end in nothing but your unhappiness.

You don’t know whether to move or not but the decision is made for you when your mother reaches you placing a strikingly cold hand on your shoulder. “Sweetie, what’s going on? Why are you just standing in the middle of the parking lot?” She asks full of questions as her eyes search your face for any kind of distress or wrongdoing.

You don’t reply too consumed with your conflicting emotions and thoughts to care about anything else other than whether or not to let Bucky ruin you right here and then in the parking lot. Your mother frowns at your silence and lets herself follow your eye line till her aged eyes land on Bucky whose own eyes are staring at you with what she hopes is not affection. Your mother’s eyebrows crease in confusion, here is where he shouldn’t be he should be far away from you and with the group of thugs he calls friends, he calls family.

“Sweetheart get in the car, I’ll be there in a second,” you don’t have time to think as your mother pushes you in the direction of your car perfectly located on the other side of the parking lot away from Bucky.

You’re too focused on not trying to embarrass yourself under Bucky’s intense gaze that you fail to look at the hardened look on your mother’s face as he looks upon Bucky. You go to the car missing your mother walking over to Bucky with a look of pure hell on his face and he would know after all he was the devil himself.

Your mother folds her arms across her chest and before Bucky can say a word or laugh her off she speaks with such fury and rage any grown man would be scared. “You don’t know when to quit do you Barnes?” he looks at eyebrows raising in confusion.

“Stay the hell away from my daughter, I’ve heard those rumours about you two and you better hope they aren’t true because if they are you and your little motorcycle riding friends will regret the day you came riding into this town.” Your mother finishes her eyes locked on Bucky who stands silent not knowing what to say.

Your mother walks away thinking Bucky won’t reply.

She’s wrong.

“I’m not going anywhere until I have my babygirl by my side,” Bucky remarks with a smirk when your mother’s face flashes with anger.

* * *

 The dive bar Bucky calls home is silent upon the moment he enters, all heads at the table turn and eyes born into his own blue eyes. Bucky rolls his eyes playfully at the men seated at the table and doesn’t miss the way Steve smirks at him as he sits down beside him.

A chuckle emits from someone’s lips and they say, “Barnes how’s your girl, that sweet little thing from church?” The voice belongs to Sam Wilson sat across from Bucky, Sam loves to rile Bucky up and ever since Bucky laid eyes on you weeks ago in that parking lot his slight obsession with you had been the source of all Sam’s material.

A chorus of eye rolls surrounds the table before Clint Barton next to Bucky says, “Wilson this is serious.” Sam merely chuckles again eyes fitting onto Buckys.

“You know I miss the days when it was all driving on the open road, getting drunk and fucking random girls at bars,” Sam says eyes crinkling at the image of the life everyone at the table used to live before things changed.

“Don’t we all,” Steve mutters silently shaking his head.

Bucky sits silently at the table eyes glaring daggers in Sam’s direction holding back a growl, Sam merely laughs at the look on his face. Bucky tries to push his thoughts of beating the crap out of Sam back and when he’s done so, he leans forward and says, “what’s going on boys?”

A series of sighs fall from everybody’s lips even young Peter at the table who looks incredibly uncomfortable. No one says anything waiting for their fearful leader to speak up and then he does from the head of the table, “Hydra.” Steve says.

Bucky’s jaw tenses at the mention of their name and he has to do everything to suppress the fire inside of him burning everyone and everything. Bucky’s blue glassy eyes cast down on the table, his fist clenching and unclenching as he tries to calm himself but the bad news keeps coming.

“They’re the ones who killed Tony and you know what that means.” An eye for an eye, it meant Bucky and the rest of the men on the table were going to get revenge, retribution against Hydra.

Bucky’s not the only one whose uneasy at the thought of going against Hydra - they’re one of the most powerful biker gangs in the country with power unparalleled to Bucky and his gang of ‘thugs’ everybody at the table had their fears. Peter taps his foot nervously against the varnished hardwood floor eyes moving rapidly back and forth trying to comprehend Steve’s words. He’d been in the club since he turned sixteen but he had still not gotten used to the rules that they lived by, there was a code they had to honour. And there was nothing neither Bucky or Peter could do about it.

Steve doesn’t let the silence linger long instead he stand up at the head of the table tugging slightly at the lapels of his own sleek leather jacket and saying, “I know this isn’t what any of us want but it needs to be done.” Steve’s eyes connect with Bucky and he knows then that his speech is directed at Bucky more than anybody else.

“What’s our plan of attack?” Peter asks timidly and worriedly from the other end of the table.

Steve looks at him smiling slightly at the kid and replies, “As your father would say, as Tony would say - attack.”

Clint laughs from beside Bucky at Steve’s words, “Tony always was an idiot.” His tone is nostalgic and lighthearted remembering the once leader of the club, now that role had been filled by Steve who would do anything for the club.

Chuckles surround the table, nostalgia in the air replacing silence’s place happily. Bucky sighs deeply, however, all eyes on him as he does so.

“Is this about Hydra or your little girlfriend?” Asks Sam who refuses to wipe his signature smirk off his face every time he mentions you around Bucky.

Bucky glares at Sam before replying, “does it matter?”

Everyone at the table shares a knowing look prompting Clint to say, “Barnes we told you to stay away.”

Steve chuckles, “Like that was gonna stop Buck from being smitten with Y/N.”

Bucky shakes his head not liking the topic of conversation at all, he was used to the teasing from Sam, he didn’t need it from everybody else. “I’m not smitten and this not about Y/N,” Bucky says fiercely, too fiercely that no one, not even the impressionable Peter believes him.

“Look Bucky just be careful, especially now everything with Hydra,” Steve says and Bucky’s a tiny bit thankful Tony’s no longer the leader or he would have made some sort of joke that made Bucky’s skin crawl about you.

“I will but I can’t keep any promises,” Bucky says smirking slightly as images of you run wild in his head distracting him from Hydra and the impending and inevitable confrontation.

Steve shakes his head eyes full of laughter at his friend’s antics, “Now that we’re done discussing Bucky’s love life let’s get back to business. We need to prepare, tell T’Challa we need him, Clint reach out to Natasha and Wanda tell them they need to come home early. I’ll call Scott tell him we need him but that’s all we can do till they make their next move.” Steve says, orders as his turn hard and serious all playfulness gone instantly.

Everybody around the table nods and Steve smiles, “Good now, let’s get drunk and listen to Bucky pine after his girl all night.” The table erupts in laughter as Bucky glares at Steve who only rolls his eyes in response chuckling slightly at his friend.

 


	5. chapter 5

The sky was reminiscent of Bucky’s eyes on the day that reunited the pair of you,  a shade of deep blue that makes you contemplate everything: your thoughts, your feelings, life in general. The sky’s so magically beautiful and enchanting you find yourself being taken away with it in seconds covering the Earth and feeling content - that’s how it feels to stare deep in Bucky’s stark sapphire orbs that seem to capture you, instantly.

His dreamy eyes are staring down at you with such an intense glare it feels like the sun beating down hard on your back in a barren desert. He’s nowhere to be seen, you haven’t seen him since that day at church but his face as beautiful and as angelic as an angel (the devil was once an angel, after all) is like a soft melody and it just won’t leave your head. Every time you close your eyes, he’s there and every time you open them his eyes are staring down at you from the sky, his signature devilish grin reflecting in his blue eyes.

The day feels like any other day of pining after a man every inch of your body and mind knows is wrong, what he did to Lillian haunts you but what you want him to do to you haunts you even more. No matter the case against him, you can’t help but feel the heat that rushes over your body each time you moan his name in your sleep.

Your town is the epitome of every suburban cul-de-sac small town that leaves people feeling deeply unsatisfied but smiling on the surface. That’s why you’re here gazing up at the sky as if Bucky’s going to materialise out of thin air, although it wouldn’t surprise you, he has a quality to leave you surprised yet fulfilled. The town’s fete is the star attraction, the only thing semi-interesting to happen in the place that you want desperately to run away from. It’s not actually interesting to you until something truly scandalous happens but year after year it remains the same and you have no doubt that this year will be the same old song.

You’re wrong, everyone’s wrong.

Playing it safely goes out the door the moment you cast your eyes around the fete your attention momentarily swayed by the sound of children’s laughter, you smile to yourself glad that someone is having a good time. By the time your gaze returns solely to the blue sky, it’s gone. The blue has been possessed by a darkness that follows you, the sun that was once shining high in the sky no longer exists and time freezes in that moment. The more religious of the crowds might say it resembles the end of days, they might just be right.

A crowd forms behind you, you don’t notice till you turn around to meet an uproar. Everything moves so fast you can barely comprehend what is happening but then you understand why the crowds are in a state of disarray. You swear you see an Eagle fly overhead as the rumbles and bellows of American muscle penetrates your ears, the sweet, sweet melody is back and it sounds even more award-worthy than before. You know as you look upon the outraged crowd things are suddenly going to take a turn and the man of both your dreams and nightmares will sweep you away.

In order for him to get to you, he has to see and as much as you can’t stand seeing him after what you know, a part of you craves him that part of you is the part that propels you forward your eyes glancing at judgemental stares and looks of pure disgust. You ignore them as always even your mother who looks as if she’s about to explode at the sight of you sprinting into the crowd, the belly of the beast to the man you’ve warned about countless times. Everybody’s opinions of what you should do never once come into your mind as you make your way through the crowd.

“Y/N!” A yell pulls you from your mission and quickly you stop all eyes on you. You whip your head around quickly, painfully quick and look at your caller.

You hoped it was him - Bucky, the man who stole all air from your lungs but fortune and fate were not on your side at that particular moment. It wasn’t him, it was your mother trying to prevent you from reaching the gates of Hell and walking with no regrets. It was that that scared you the most how much you welcomed the fire and the darkness.

You don’t reply to your mother instead your head turns around trained on the direction of the rumbles of engines, your eyes linger too long and your mother surges forward grabbing your arm. You barely notice her touch but when you do you turn your head, “don’t do this please, sweetie.” Your mother says her eyes softening as she looks upon you but there’s malice behind the softness that sends chills down your spine.

You tilt your head slightly, “do what?” you ask because even you don’t know what you’re going to do when you see him, but all you know is that you have to see him.

Your mother frowns in response, “why don’t you go to some of the stalls; buy something pretty and stay away from men like him.” She doesn’t say his name and you’re thankful for it because the only person who should say his name is you. 

Your eyes flicker to where the sound of engines rumbling dies down and then stops so abruptly your heart skips a beat. You’re brought back to your mother by the sound of her calling your name once again. “I don’t want to,” you say truthfully because you want to see Bucky, you want answers, you want the _truth._

Your mother laughs bitterly and her grip on your arm tightens making your face contort in pain, “either you go or I drag you.” Your mother says and you nod hoping that when you do the pain will stop. It does.

Your mother smiles satisfied she got her way and watches you walk away with pride. You don’t want to, no instead you want desperately to run into Bucky’s arms ready for the cold of his touch and then waiting expectantly for the fire to run through your veins and for the heat of Hell to warm you. The walk of shame is something you’ve never partaken in but as you walk to one of the many dull stalls it is reminiscent of one. You’ve not had a night of hot passion with the man you desire no, instead you’ve been told to stay away from him.

You can’t stay away any longer.

You want to find him, to kiss him, to hit him - you’re too conflicted but what you know is that you want to see him even just a small glance, a glimpse. You want to see Bucky. It all seems like some sort of far-fetched dream you think as you wander around aimlessly looking for something or someone to preoccupy your time with.

It’s not until you give up and sit under a tree in the shade do all you think you about become less of a dream and more of a reality. You’re staring up at the sky that suddenly turns blue in a matter of seconds as your eyes land on the skies above you. You can see Bucky’s eyes again, they’re staring down on you with such a gaze you feel your body heat up immediately. It’s like he’s there beside you touching you gently, yet, roughly.

“Babygirl.” His voice is as rugged yet as sweet as honey dripping down from his lips and tongue.

You look down from the sky and there he is, the warmth of the sun bathing him in light and making you he’s an angel, a fallen angel.  He stands there like a Greek God carved out of pure gold and you’re awestruck.

He smirks down at you, “missed me, babygirl?” He asks as if it’s even a question, of course, you’ve missed him.

You don’t what to say first, what to do so you sit staring up at him his eyes reminding you of the heavenly skies above you. “You look fucking beautiful babygirl; god the things you do to me. You’re gonna get me in trouble one of these days, you know that babygirl?” Bucky says practically groaning as his eyes take in your form, you’re wearing a short sundress that makes him want to get on his knees hitch the material up and taste you in the light of day.

You don’t reply still trying to catch your breath because his sudden appearance has left you breathless. “Speechless already babygirl?” Bucky asks laughing slightly. “I haven’t even touched you yet.” His words go straight to your core which lightens up instantly.

You’re silent again much to Bucky’s dismay, “you gonna talk to me babygirl?” He asks and you suck in a breath, trying your hardest to keep your fears at bay. You want to know the truth but you don’t think you can handle it.

“Babygirl…” Bucky trails off catching your attention again.

“I need to ask you something.” You say speaking for the first time and Bucky can’t help the smile (that’s really a smirk) that breaks out on his face at the sound of your voice.

Bucky moves to sit down next to you and when he does you notice he’s not wearing the leather jacket that makes heat pool in your stomach no instead he’s wearing a red henley that clings deliciously to him.

His lips find themselves dangerously to your neck but then he moves so that ghost over the curve of your ear. “You can ask me anything, doll.” You prefer _babygirl_ but you don’t comment on it too consumed in the feeling of Bucky being so close to you.

You sigh leaning your head against the bark of the tree, you turn your head so that you’re staring at the beast himself.

“What did you do to Lillian?” You ask eyes studying Bucky’s features closely and when you finish speaking his face clouds with confusion.

“Who the fuck is that?” He grumbles out not happy he’s not talking to you about all the ways he could make you scream but rather talking about a girl he’s never heard of.

You mirror Bucky’s confused face and say, “Lillian, I was told that you ruined her and that’s why I should stay away from you.”

Anger flashes across Bucky’s face before he grabs your chin with his fingers pulling you closer towards him. “Don’t ever fucking listen to them, none of it’s fucking true babygirl,” Bucky replies with determination to make you see him in light of who he is.

“Do you promise?” You know you sound childish but you can’t help it.

Bucky nods and you can’t help the smile that breaks out on your face at his actions, you’re just glad that all you’ve heard is untrue.

Bucky smiles too, “Now that all the boring shit’s outta the way babygirl, I’ve got a question for you.”

You quirk an eyebrow in response making Bucky chuckle.

“Patience, babygirl,” he mutters before leaning forward and pressing a daring kiss to your jaw.

Before you can even up for joy he makes all of your dreams come true, “Babygirl will you let me take you out?“


	6. chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this a litlle timeskip that brings a lot of teasing and the answer to bucky’s question in part 5.

The fire of a thousand suns ignites you, your body basking in its light and desire that captures and captivates you, instantly. The feeling is like no other, nothing seems to compare to the endless heat you’re in. Damn, Bucky damn, the way your body reacts to him. You want to cling to him, your body heat mixing with his, his lips gentle on your skin, his teeth raking with passion across your flesh leaving purple bruises in his wake. You want him to own you, to ruin you, to leave you breathless. Most of all you want him, Bucky.

There’s no other that can make you feel the way you do right now. It’s been hours since you last saw him, last felt his lips press against your flushed flesh. You need him now more than ever, with each touch, each gaze, each breath the more you become addicted to him. Even breathing his name aloud brings you the sort of the pleasure you know you should not be experiencing.

He’s in your mind, wreaking havoc. In your dreams, in your nightmares, he’s there without a fail. It’s not the same without him here next to you.

In your head his hands encase you drawing you up against the wall, he’s so rough yet gentle and it’s all you want in life. His eyes drink in your appearance and Bucky can’t help the groan that leaves his lips; it’s so familiar, so real it feels as if he’s there making you want to drop to your knees for him. You want him to kiss him - in both your dream and real life. You imagine it’s like taking a breath for the first time, drowning in his ocean blissfully ignorant. You also imagine it’s rough, his lips trying to consume as much you as they can tangling in your hair, on your face holding you tightly as he completely wrecks you.

These types of thoughts run wild around your head and it’s all because of him.

The soft, deep moan that leaves your lips as you replay the moment Bucky’s lips pressed against your cheek is unavoidable. He makes you succumb to your basic of instincts and desires even when he’s not around. Bucky’s a force to reckoned with for those mere reasons but you know there’s danger deep in his bones, chaos running through his veins and it’s those reasons that make him even more appealing and attractive.

You still don’t if he’s a god, an angel, a demon or the Devil. But what you do know, you’re his.

The moan isn’t a one time thing, no you can’t help yourself as images of Bucky swirl around your head. You have to resist the urge to touch yourself to pretend he’s there but you know that no touch will ever be as satisfying as his. You need his fire to set you alight and make you feel alive, it’s only when you’re near him do you feel like life is something really worth living.

You have to bite your lip in fruitless efforts to conceal your lust for Bucky, moans, whimpers threaten to spill over the surface and tumbles out down your lips. You honestly don’t know how someone can do that to a person, Bucky leaves you a mess and you can’t fathom how he does it so… effortlessly. Maybe it’s you, so susceptible and easy to make drop to your knees and worship in a way that would get you locked out of heaven.

You can’t stave off the feelings that haunt you and you can no longer keep him and his deep blue eyes that plague you away either. Bucky’s the one you want and you can’t wait to finally get what you want.

You need sleep but it’s hard with the way your body craves Bucky with such intensity you can barely close your eyes without his bright burning fire reflecting in your orbs.

You’re restless and it’s all because of him.

* * *

 

Sleep had finally taken you under its spell and the ache between your legs is diminishing but it comes back as quickly as it went away. The air in your room changes, it’s warm and thick and makes your body slick with sweat. The atmosphere changes immediately, tension mounts in the air so much you can feel it before you wake up completely and when you do every part of you aches with such intensity you nearly beg for it to stop. You don’t get the chance, your attention diverted by the sound of a small knock on your window.

You’re still half asleep, wondering whether or not you’re dreaming but then another knock fills your ears and suddenly you’re wide awake. You don’t think before you find yourself moving in the direction of the sound that rings in the air and you pray to god, any god that your mother hasn’t heard the noise and is fast asleep.

You can’t believe your luck, all of your silent prayers in the night had come true. Your eyes land on Bucky sat on the piece of the roof by your window smirking at you. You open the window immediately and say, “what are you doing here?” you ask not quite believing your eyes.

Bucky just smirks at you as his eyes wander over your attire, you’re in nothing but a silk robe and fuck, do you look delicious. Bucky’s eyes are black with lust and it makes you feel even more alive. “I had to see you, didn’t I babygirl,” Bucky exclaims before making his way through your window till he’s standing in the midst of your room. Dreams really do come true and this was living proof of it.

You laugh not knowing what else to do because Bucky may just be unhinged and every part of you is revelling in it.

You quickly close the window as Bucky approaches his reaching out to you and pulling you into his arms. You wrap your arms around his neck as if it were instinct, a reflex, second nature. The smirk on Bucky’s face grows as you do, loving the way your body responds to him, loving the way your natural instinct is to get closer to him.

Bucky’s calloused hands find their way to the silk of your robe and your breath hitches in your throat. “This robe is beautiful babygirl but I’d like to see what’s under it more,” Bucky says and in that second you nearly drop to your knees ready to worship him and all that he can give you, all that you can take.

The fire, the lust in Bucky’s eyes makes you grow bolder but most of all more desperate for him to consume you. “Then why don’t you take a look?” you say drawing your body closer to Bucky till your body is pressed against his, he can feel everything -  the silk of your robe is thin and he can feel the hardened peaks of your nipples and all Bucky can think about is taking them into his mouth and making you moan wildly,

He doesn’t despite how much he wants to.

“Let me take you on a date first,” is all Bucky says in reply despite how much he wants to rip the thin material to shreds and worship and devote himself to your body.

You smile at him, “I thought you were, did something change?” You ask but Bucky simply shakes his, one arm falling to your lower back dangerously close to the supple flesh he wants to turns red.

“No just making sure, you still want a date with a bad boy like me, babygirl,” Bucky says and you shake your head smiling widely.

“Of course, who else would I want to make me a sinner,” you say and Bucky smirks devilishly.

The next thing you know you’re against your bedroom wall Bucky stalking you staring down at you as if he could devour you. He moves your hands so that his wrists have pinned them to the wall and then he leans forward. Bucky’s lips press against your jaw the smell of smoke and cologne filling your nostrils and you hope it lingers on you as a reminder of him when he’s not there.

Your head drops to the wall and your lips part a moan tumbling from your lips and Bucky can’t help himself. He groans deep and guttural and all he wants to do is fuck you against the wall, fuck being diplomatic about it because all he wants to do is you writhe and scream his name. He wants to ruin you and he knows you want it too.

“Fuck!” Bucky exclaims not knowing what else to say or do because he knows if he does anything else he’ll be making you scream so loud the entirety of the town will hear.

You know he’s holding back and so are you but time for walking on edge is over now as your body reacts to his. “Say what you really want to,” you say licking your lips at the way Bucky gazes down at you intensely.

First, he’s shocked, taken back and then his signature smirk settles on his lips and he’s the man that you want to worship. Bucky chuckles his laughter never quite reaching his hooded eyes that are jet black with lust but there are embers in them from the fire inside of him.

“Babygirl, if you’re parents, weren’t in the house I would fuck you so hard against this wall they’d be able to hear your screams a block away,” Bucky says no longer holding back because he’s been restrained for too long.

You don’t let the way his words make you feel weak show on your face and instead you smirk just like him.

“I know and I’d let you,” you reply smirking at Bucky’s reaction.

 


	7. chapter 7

The dirty back alley you find yourself in is grotesque, however, the setting does not bother you rather the lateness of the man you’re waiting for in the dark shadows behind a seedy bar. You’re as patient as any woman can be as anxiety consumes you, _where is Bucky? Did something happen to him?_ All these questions and more swirl around your head rendering you helpless to bad thoughts. You know it’s impossible for something bad to happen to Bucky, he's bigger than the average man and you know despite ever witnessing such a thing that Bucky can hold his own better than the average.

 _He’s fine, he’s fine_ \- you hope.

You’ve been tucked away in the darkness of the alley for some time and you can’t help but grow tired of waiting for Bucky to magically appear and drown all of your doubts. You wonder if he’s ever going to show, you shouldn’t be doubting him after all he had asked you to meet him here but still the doubts are present in your head.

“He’ll come,” you whisper out into the darkness hoping that now you’ve spoken the words he’ll appear and your words will come to life.

Your body slumps against the wall you’ve been resting on as your thoughts paralyse you momentarily. You need to get all doubts and negative thoughts out of your head but it seems impossible when the devil you seek refuses to show despite how much you call out to him, despite how much you sin for him.

“He’ll come, “ you repeat hoping that this time Bucky will actually make an appearance.

“Who will, babygirl?” A deep, rough voice asks and immediately you know who it is. You can’t see much in the dark alleyway but you can see him, in all of his glory. Your face lights up like the fire inside of Bucky and it keeps burning until Bucky reaches you, hands winding around your waist and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“I thought you wouldn’t show, “ you say fingers caressing the scruff of Bucky’s beard as he looks down at you eyes full of affection you haven’t seen before.

Bucky chuckles at your words, “I could never stand you up babygirl, I like you too much for that.” Bucky confesses and his words start a ring of fire around your heart that you are sure will burn until it consumes you.

You beam up at Bucky with pure adoration and to him, it’s the most beautiful sight he’s ever seen, he thought you looked beautiful the other night in nothing but the thin material of your nightdress but now seeing you look up at him with love he’s knows no sight will compare or beat this. It’s a good memory one Bucky hopes will pull him from the darkness at a point in the near future.

“I need to talk to you about something, babygirl,” Bucky says his hands running up your sides in comfort as you quirk an eyebrow at him begging him to keep talking.

“I’m leaving town,” he says and the words make the fire inside of you instantly burn out. You’re no longer in deep lust, all you can feel is the coldness creeping up on you. It goes as instantly as it comes when Bucky says, “just for a week and I’ll be back babygirl. I can’t leave you for too long, you might forget who you belong to.”

You smile at him, chuckling slightly at his words. You place your hands around his neck drawing him closer. “I could never forget,” you answer honestly because there is no way in hell you could ever forget the sight of Bucky, forget the way it feels to have his lips pressed against your cheek as his scruff scratches your skin making you laugh wildly at the feeling.

Bucky smiles at your words grateful for your reassurance that nothing would change when he returns. Things will be different, Bucky will be a different man and Bucky prays to God nothing will change between the two of you. Bucky doesn’t want to ruin you because of this, no, he wants to ruin you by taking your innocence and hearing you moan his name.

“Good,” Bucky remarks before planting a sloppy kiss to your cheeks and if you weren’t so enthralled by the feel of his lips on you, you would have felt the way he clung to you as if it was the last time he was going to see you.

You lean forward your fingers running through his hair and smiling when Bucky lets out a sigh of content at your actions.  You remove your hand much to Bucky’s dismay and instead rest your head in the crook of Bucky’s neck with your arms resting on his chest. If anyone would have told you’d be here in a dark alley holding onto the devil himself you would have blushed profusely at the idea but yet here you are. Bucky has a way with you, has a way of making do things you would have imagined doing before meeting him.

You stay that way for some time, Bucky’s eyes closed relishing in the feeling of having you so close and you pressing kisses to his collarbone and neck occasionally whilst smiling widely to yourself. Your peaceful moment ends when you raise your head looking Bucky in the eyes still smiling, “When are you leaving?” You ask and you watch as Bucky looks down at you before immediately looking away from your eyes.

You look at him waiting for an answer but the longer he looks away the clearer it is what his answer is. “You’re leaving tonight, aren’t you?” You ask, you’re not angry you just want him to look at you again.

He eventually does his eyes settling on your own, Bucky lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in when he sees you’re not upset with him. “Yes, I had to see you before I left, babygirl. You drive me crazy you know? You’re all I think about, without you babygirl I go insane.” Bucky confesses and his words make you smile because he’s just like you, you can barely survive without him and he can’t survive without you either.

You just smile at Bucky while you think of something, anything so you can spend longer with him, you don’t want to leave him. Not yet at least.

You say randomly without even thinking, “Let’s do something before you leave.” Bucky just smirks at you, the grin that leaves you weak taking place on his face.

“And what is that my good little girl has in mind?” Bucky asks and you smirk as devilish as him.

“Something that a good little girl like me shouldn’t be doing.” You say winking at Bucky.

* * *

 

Bucky knows he must be dreaming because there’s no way this is real. You must not be real because a man like him doesn’t deserve a girl like you, no man does for that matter. You’re too good for anyone, you deserve to be treated like the angel you are and God, does Bucky wish he could do that for you but he’s too rough around the edges, his eyes have seen too much but he’s trying.

At this moment in time Bucky feels the clarity he’s sought in drugs and plumes of smoke, only you could make him see for the first time. You’re really an angel, he thinks.

“Bucky!” You call and Bucky knows it’s real, your melodic voice in his ear calling out to him.

The leather-clad man of your dreams looks at you smirking in the way he knows you secretly love. All the stars seem closer as Bucky walks forward towards you, you wait in anticipation as hear nears you holding your breath then releasing it once his calloused hands find their way to your backside squeezing tightly making your cheeks grow warm; Bucky licks his lips like you’re the most delicious thing he’s ever seen and he’s a starving man. He is.

“Babygirl, are you trying to kill me?” Bucky asks and you look up at him feigning innocence and trying to keep a massive grin from breaking out on your face.

You bite your lip and _fuck_ , is Bucky in deep because just the tight makes his trousers grow tight and he’s in need of release. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Bucky,” you say before your teeth rake along the plump soft flesh of your bottom lip once more. Bucky can’t take it, he drops his face to your neck moving all clothing out of the way, his lips pressing kisses to your skin as his hands roam your ass squeezing each time he swears he hears a moan pass your lips.

“You’re playing dirty, you know that babygirl?” Bucky murmurs against your neck with a slight growl before attacking your neck. He can’t himself and you let out a whimper when you feel his teeth ghost over your skin before he marks you as his.

You moan again unable to stop yourself from doing so. “Fuck!” You exclaim taking Bucky by surprise and making him stop his actions and raise his head looking at you.

“Is something wrong babygirl or am I just that good?” Bucky asks smirking at you despite the concern within him for you.

You say nothing and instead shake your head, “kiss me.” You say it’s more of a demand than anything and it leaves Bucky in awe and his eyes black and hooded with lust.

Bucky goes to ask if you’re sure but then you lean forward your chest pressed against his so tightly he can feel your hardened nipples from under the thin material of your shirt. You place a kiss against his jawline and his neck until you reach his ear, your tongue swirls around his earlobe and you say in your most seductive voice, “kiss me, make me yours.”

That’s all Bucky needs he takes your face in his hands and leans slowly. You feel as if you’ve been drowning and the moment Bucky lips touch yours you taste oxygen you’ve been dying for. You moan into the kiss and Bucky lips feel as if they’re touching all of you. His hands are everywhere desperately clutching at your clothes so hard he’s bound to rip them, you don’t care because his kiss consumes you.

The fire inside of him ignites and courses through his veins, you can feel the embers in his kiss, you can feel the way you drive him insane. It’s all too much and then you move your hips slightly and you hear Bucky growl into your mouth; you can’t help but moan in need as you feel him against you bulging and in desperate need of being taken care of.

Bucky pulls back suddenly and you whine but immediately stop when he says, “let’s take this somewhere else.”


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> parts in italics are a flashback!

You sit with your knees curled up towards your chest, head resting lightly on your knees as you close your eyes and take deep breaths. You can’t believe you’re in the current state you’re in, you know you’re obsessed with him and that your body craves every inch of him but you didn’t think it was this bad. You don’t know how you can make it without him especially with the way that you left him.

The moment plays through your head as you try to stave off your feelings for him.

_“Let’s take this somewhere else.” You had no idea what Bucky had in mind, you hoped it was him fucking you roughly as he moaned in your ear about how much he needs you, wants you._

_You looked at him eyes wide but a smirk on your lips as you thought about him touching you and making you officially his. You wanted his mark on every part of your body. “Where?” You ask smiling widely at the look on Bucky’s face, it was a look of pure lust mixed with excitement._

_“Wait and see, babygirl,” Bucky said in reply before pulling back from you and pressing a small kiss to your kiss swollen lips and softly moaning. He took your hand in his, leading you to his motorcycle and you held on tightly pressing kisses to his neck and whimpering when you saw your mark on his neck._

_Bucky groaned deeply as you did so, breathing out in a whisper “you’re gonna be the death of me.” You said nothing in reply and let the world blur around you and focussed on Bucky as he sped throughout the streets of the small town you called home. You pressed your body as close to Bucky’s as you could, you could feel his body and you wanted nothing more to feel it as you stared at the man you were fixated with, in all of his beauty and glory. Bucky may not have thought he was the thing of dreams but to you he was._

_You didn’t know how long you and Bucky had been zooming through your town but you didn’t care, all you cared about was the feeling of having him so close to you as well as the arousal pooling between your legs. You couldn’t deny how worked up you had become from earlier on in the alley but you knew Bucky was even more affected than you, you had felt him pressed up against you begging for your soft lips to be wrapped around him._

_You also didn’t know where you were, it was dark out and all you could see was passing scenery but nothing vaguely familiar. You felt the motorcycle come to a halt and when it did you knew exactly where you were. It was the same field Bucky had whisked you off to weeks ago, the gesture was sweet and for a moment you felt love but it was replaced with another feeling when Bucky pulled you off the motorcycle and into his arms. You laughed but it fell silent on your lips when Bucky’s hands slid down to your ass grabbing as much as he could and rolled his hips gently into yours making a moan louder than expected rise from your throat._

_“That fucking sound babygirl, makes me wanna fuck you on my lap, watch you ride me, watch you moan my name so fucking loud it’s the only thing I’ll hear for days after.” Bucky took a long deep breath. “Fuck, you got me in so deep. You know that, babygirl?”_

_“Do it,” you said and Bucky smirked at you before his lips attached to your neck, he was ravenous as his lips moved across your skin, moving further down with each kiss that he planted on your supple flesh. Your breath hitched in your throat when Bucky’s hand came up to your chest and his thumb toyed with the hardened peaks of your nipples, you couldn’t help yourself as moans spewed and tumbled down your lips._

_His lips were on you, his fingers touching all of you he could: one playing with your nipples and making your back arch whilst his other fingers ghosted over every part of you he could touch. Bucky really was the devil and you’d do anything for him at this point, you’d give him everything including this moment of unadulterated bliss and intimacy. You could feel yourself getting closer to the scorching flames of hell each time a whimper or a moan dripped from your lips._

_Then he moved your shirt and bra over, exposing the soft flesh he needed his lips on immediately and you welcomed Hell. You held your breath as his tongue peeked out from his lips you wanted so desperately to catch in a kiss, you needed it just as much as he did. Your arousal was peaking and all you wanted was his devilish tongue to touch you. You were close but then a noise sounded and suddenly Bucky stopped, “fuck!” Bucky mumbled to himself more than anyone._

_He reached deep within his pocket fishing his phone out and sighing down at the screen, you took this time to compose yourself pulling your shirt over your breast and letting out a  small whine because you wanted him more than anything. However, it looked like things weren’t going to go your way._

_Bucky raised his head to look up at you as he shifted himself in his blue jeans trying to make his large problem less noticeable. “I have to go, babygirl,” he said and immediately a frown set itself on your features, you were so close to getting what you wanted and to having him but now you were so far away._

_You stepped closer to Bucky, arms coming around his neck as if it was second nature. “When will you be back?” You asked because you desperately needed him, all of him._

_Bucky smirked at you despite how sad he was that he had to go but he needed to do something, he owed it to someone. “Soon babygirl, I’ll call you but until then beautiful I’ll be thinking about you all the time,” Bucky replied as he held you in his arms._

_“Can you do something for me?” You asked smiling sweetly at Bucky to the point he couldn’t resist._

_“Anything,” Bucky replied._

_“Kiss me,” and he did._

It’s hard not to think back to that moment, it’s hard not to think of Bucky and the way he makes you feel: he sets your soul on fire and you’ve never felt more alive than when you’re with Bucky. He may be the devil, yes, but he’s also an angel in your eyes with a halo born of the fire deep within him.

All is quiet, you’re alone in the confines of your bedroom and you just can’t help yourself. You’re worried because of how you felt that night. You remember that night clearly but one feeling keeps crawling back to you: the feeling like it was the last night between you. The way Bucky held you, clutched you tightly and the way he kissed you as if he was savouring your taste for the rest of eternity. There was something in his eyes that night, they held such affection for you it makes tears fall from your eyes at the thought of him.

You know you shouldn’t be doing this but you need reassurance. You take a deep breath calming yourself as well as your thoughts before closing your eyes, “I know you probably won’t listen to this or any of my other prayers after the path I have taken. But know God or whoever has some divine power that Bucky despite his appearance and demeanour is a good man and one who I wish would be okay. I don’t know where he is but I have this feeling that I want, that I need to be proven wrong. Please just ensure he’s alright.” You release a deep breath before saying, “amen.”

You haven’t prayed in a while even at your regular Sunday service never once did you pray to God not since you met Bucky, no, instead you prayed to the devil to consume you. He did and like that wish, you hope that this one comes true. You take a minute to yourself taking a deep breath but are interrupted by your front door slamming closed.

It’s so silent you can hear every movement including the sound of your mother talking on the phone. Your stay silent as you hear your mother raise her voice, “I asked you to do one thing, you were supposed to scare Y/N away from that wretched man.  But I hear she’s been running around with him, clearly, the story you made up about Lillian wasn’t good enough!” You felt the world tumbling from underneath you - your mother had tried to tear you and Bucky apart although her attempt was vain it still hurt nonetheless to know she stopped you from being in his arms.

Your nails curled into your palm as you tried to control the anger inside of you, you usually weren’t an angry person but this confession made your blood boil. You felt a fire inside of you, one that you wanted to so desperately torture your mother’s soul with. She kept you from Bucky, she made you believe he was a man that was going to hurt you, that was going ruin you. You know you can never forgive her especially with how deeply you feel for Bucky.

And you definitely can’t forgive her when she says, “I’ll do anything to keep them apart, anything.”


	9. chapter 9

The world slows down, stops abruptly and comes to a halt. There’s no screaming, no cries, no shaking, no noise except the sound of your phone ringing through the quiet of the night. At first, you can barely hear it you’re drowning in your dreams you pray won’t become a reality. However, when you open your eyes trying to catch your breath and get your head above water, away from the dream that feels more than a nightmare than anything you hear it. You groan as your head spins in pain the noise penetrating your ears and making you internally scream.

Your eyes dart to your bedside table at the screen that glows in the dark; the bright light is enough to blind you. You let out another deep groan before reaching out in the dark for your phone as if reaching a hand out to be held. The screen glares in the dark but the number on the screen is one you haven’t seen before and you can’t help but be cautious. It’s still ringing, it doesn’t ever stop ringing. The noise is loud enough that you feel the need to clutch your head in pain, so, to rid the screeching noise you answer the phone.

“Babygirl?” A voice you know so well asks. You’re so tired you can barely hear the hurt in his voice, the crack in his voice that sounds as if he’s been crying all night long,

A smile takes over your face at the sound of the angel you know to be the devil’s voice. “Bucky, is that really you?” you ask having to, you need to know it’s him and this isn’t all just a dream.

You wait anxiously in anticipation for him to reply but when he does you’re suddenly wide awake and sat up in your bed. “I need your help babygirl. It’s me beautiful, it’s me and I need you,” the desperation and hurt in his voice makes you clench your fist so hard your knuckles turn white.

A million questions run through your head but you barely have time to come up with answers that shake you to the core. “Babygirl?” Bucky calls out and your heart tears in two at the sound of him, he sounds so broken, so unlike himself. You miss the smirk you could always hear in his voice, his cockiness and confidence mixing together to create a sound that could instantly make you weak at the knees.

“I’m here Bucky, what’s going on?” you ask because you’re in the dark, you don’t know what’s happening all you know is the feeling of sadness creeping up and falling into your heart.

You hear a hiss of pain tumble from Bucky’s lips and then a murmured, “shit!” before he answers you. “I need to see you, I’ll text you the address, I need you babygirl, come quickly.” you can’t reply, he hangs up and before he does in the few moments of silence before he does, you hear shouting, fighting and you swear you hear a gunshot ringing through the air.

You stare down at your phone as if he’s going to call you again from the unknown number but he doesn’t so you wait patiently for his text. It comes painfully slow, almost thirty minutes after his call and in those minutes you feel as if your fighting for your life and so is Bucky. When the text comes you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in because at least you know he’s alive. The address he texts you is one you know too well, it’s the part of the town you had been warned your whole life about: nothing good ever happened there and it would only make sense that Bucky wants you to go there. You can’t help but wonder why? _Where has Bucky been? What had he done?_

* * *

A scream tears itself from your throat, you rush forward hands clutching at the bloodied shirt trying your hardest not to let tears stream down your cheeks. You hadn’t expected this and nothing could have prepared you with this sight, one which you’re sure will haunt you for years after.

Bucky’s slumped in the corner of a backroom in a seedy bar in the bad part of town, his hair wet falls over his face shielding you from the black of his demon eyes. He’s covered in blood, it’s everywhere and all you can see is red.

“Bucky!” you call out into the silence that lingers in the air. The only sound in the room is Bucky’s harsh breathing but all you can hear is the heavy thump of your heart beating wildly in your chest.

After excruciating minutes of silence, Bucky looks up at you through his wet locks and lets out a deep sigh. “Babygirl,” he mumbles his eyes now wild as they settle on you. Your hands are still clutching his now red shirt as you stare at his eyes that are not the calm colour of the ocean, no, now they’re dark but illuminated with embers of his dying fire.

“What happened?” you breath out your eyes frantically scanning over him and the room looking for something or someone who could have done this to him. Bucky looks as if he were dying and at the thought you find yourself swallowing thickly trying to gulp down all of your fears.

“It’s you,“ is Bucky’s reply not saying much else. He breathes this out in disbelief before he places a limp hand slowly on your cheek his thumb drawing circles on your skin and leaving blood in his wake.

You let out a shaky smile in response, fear coursing through your veins before you reply, “of course it is.”

Bucky lets out a bitter laugh one you’re not sure why and then says, “just needed to know if you were real babygirl, I’ve been seeing things babygirl.”

Your heart breaks for him but you piece it back together. “What happened to you Bucky?” You ask once more. He had called you in the middle night asking for your help sending you to a part of town that put you on high alert only to find him bloodied and beaten. You need answers to help heal the hurt you feel at the man you love being in pain.

His head lulls to the side and you pray to God he’s okay. “I’m hurtbabygirl, real bad,” Bucky replies barely above a whisper as if he’s ashamed that he’s not invincible.

Bucky groans in pain as he shifts himself upright trying to get closer to you. His dry lips touch your cheek and you can’t help the stray tears that slip down your cheeks onto his lips. “Shit!” Bucky grumbles out in pain and sadness when your wet hot tears touch his parched lips.

“It’s okay babygirl, I’m gonna be fine,” he’s lying, you both know it but you’re too torn and distraught to do anything but pull him into your arms carefully. You hold him so tight and close Bucky thinks he can see the stars, they’re all so big, they’re all so much closer than before.

Bucky’s head rests against your shoulder, his body practically slumped on yours it’s doesn’t matter because all you care about is how close he is to you. You can’t see the blood, the pain and hurt in his eyes and it makes you feel better but then he pulls back and looks you in the eyes.

“I need you,” he repeats the words he said to you over the phone.

You ponder curiously over what he needs but then he moves forward slightly whilst wincing in pain. His cracked lips touch yours; despite the emotions that you’ve tried to keep at bay overwhelming you, you kiss him back your lips moving in tandem with his own. You taste his desperation on your lips, it’s the same kiss he gave you before he went away to God knows where doing God knows what. You know what it means now that you’ve had time to reflect on that moment the night that you last saw him. This means that he thinks for some reason this is the last time you’re lips will ever touch yours, you want to prove him wrong.

You pull back when you can hardly breathe, your head spinning and like Bucky you can see stars. Bucky was usually a man of confidence but at that moment he felt rejection and his insecurities creeping up on him. “Can I tell you something?” You ask as your hands come to Bucky’s hair tucking it behind his ears so you can look deep into his eyes, the same ones that you’ve found yourself hypnotised by too many times to count.

He looks at you cautiously but nods, his eyes asking you to continue. You smile at him despite how much you want to cry again. “I’m here Bucky, I’m right here and I always will be,” your words break him, you’re so devoted to him but you don’t him, the real him - the one covered in a mix of his blood and others, the one who punches walls in anger till his hand is red and raw.

Bucky wanted you here, he wanted you to bring him back to reality. Bucky wanted your touch to heal him instantly, he didn’t expect the emotions that are washing over him he’s no longer in pain and emotional turmoil - he just wants you to know him, the real him. Bucky’s a pretender, his leather jacket shining brightly in the sun blinding you from the tar-black heart underneath it, the scarred chest and bullet wounds. He’s done some bad things, some he’s proud of most he’s ashamed of; he keeps them locked away in a piece of his mind that only ever plagues him at night. To you, Bucky was the mysterious stranger, he’s the epitome of danger and all that’s frowned upon, he’s your escape, Bucky wants to be the man he makes himself out to be but it’s so hard to be good when the blood that runs through his veins is black.

Tears slip down his cheeks till they eventually stream down as powerful and mighty as a waterfall. You grab his face in your hands making look at you as he tries best not to catch your gaze. “Bucky, are you okay?” You ask swiping his tears away with your thumb but that only makes him cry harder.

His eyes snap up to look at you and he hates himself for making you worry, “I have to tell you something, babygirl.” he says before grabbing your hand off his cheek and placing it in your lap. Bucky can’t have you touching him when he’s telling you the truth.

“What?” You asked desperately trying to touch him again but he won’t let you, it’s as if every time your skin comes into contact with his it burns so deeply it scars. It does.

“I’m so fucking sorry, babygirl,” is all he says and then he’s falling to pieces in your arms.


	10. chapter ten

Bucky cries violently in your arms, his hands clutching you as if you’re going to fall through his fingers. His whole world is falling apart, he can’t keep it together. It’s been so long since he’s opened up to someone, since he felt something besides pain and the adrenaline running through his veins.

He won’t let you touch him but he touches you, it feels as if his fingers have graced every part of you. Your skin is cold, your body stiff as Bucky’s words replay in your mind. It’s a melody that won’t leave your head, one which makes you break down like the man who’s on holding onto you crying wildly out into the darkness of the night. “I’m so fucking sorry, babygirl,” it’s as if he’s speaking those words again, the words that make the fire inside of both you die out and coldness creep up into in your veins.

“Bucky?” You call out, your voice barely above a whisper. You wonder if Bucky can hear the hurt in your voice, hear how you’re about to break down just like him.

Bucky hears your voice louder above the ones in his head that make him run, that make him drive on the open road till he settles down but eventually moves on. Bucky knows as you call out his name that he needs to leave, he needs to leave you before the voices get to you.

“Bucky, what happened? Why are you sorry? What did you do?” You’re full of questions but you can’t help it, you need to know what happened to the man that had captivated you and changed you for the better.

He stops crying, his tears come to an abrupt halt and suddenly he’s moving away from you and the warmth returns to your body. Bucky looks down at the blood on his body and the blood that stains his hands. “I shouldn’t have called you here,” is all Bucky’s says as he snaps his head up wincing in pain at the look of rejection and sadness on your face.

You want to scream out maybe even cry but you remain focused, you want answers despite how much Bucky seems to refuse to give you any. You lean forward on your knees, your hand touches Bucky’s cheek his stubble scratching against your palm, Bucky tries to turn his head but you won’t let him. “Why not?”

He leans slightly into your touch his eyes clamping shut for a few moments of peace but a rude awakening happens and his eyes open and he pulls away. You try to hide the rejection on your face but you simply can’t. “I’m so sorry babygirl,” he says those words again and you want to scream, those words that make you want to clutch your head and cry out till everything around you disappears.

Something in you snaps when he says those words, “Don’t!” you exclaim shaking your head furiously. Your raised voice makes Bucky look at you, he knows he’s hurt you and he knows he’s only going hurt you even more. “Don’t say that, just please tell me why you’re covered in blood, why you’re crying, why you won’t stop saying that you’re sorry. Just tell me the truth, please Bucky.” you’re practically begging at this point but you need to know.

Bucky takes a deep breath contemplating silently in his head, he wants to tell you but he bleeds even more when he says those words, the wound gets deeper and the infection spreads. He feels doomed, his fate decided by the past he wishes he drive away from, saying goodbye in the rear view mirror.

“Tell me or I leave,” it’s so unlike you to pretend to be cold and harsh but the fire in Bucky is gone and the warmth of the fire he left behind in you has turned to cold, ice creeping into your veins turning you frigid to the touch.

Bucky looks at you, his damp hair falling over his face again clouding his vision from the sight of you nearly in tears. He runs a hand over his face sighing deeply, “promise me something, babygirl.” is all he says as he moves his hair away from your eyes and dares to look up at you. Bucky can’t help but fall to pieces at the look on your face, he just wants to hide away with you and the only thing he’ll see is the sight of you smiling widely.

You lean forward on your knees inching closer to Bucky, “anything,” you reply instantly.

Bucky presses a calloused hand to your cheek and lets out a sigh of relief when you don’t flinch at his touch. His eyes go dark as he says, “promise me that you won’t hate me.” His words make you raise your eyebrows in confusion, there’s no way in hell you could hate the man that made all of your fantasies come to life.

You lean into his touch, your cheek nuzzling the palm of his hand and you say with confidence, “I could never hate you, Bucky.” He smiles but he does so sadly and looks at you again as if this was your last meeting, he’s so sure you’ll leave after this because he would to if he was you.

“We don’t know much about each other, do we babygirl?” He doesn’t give you time to answer. Bucky pulls you to straddle his lap, both hands cupping your cheeks before he leans closer pressing his forehead against yours. “I did something babygirl, something I had to do I don’t regret I just wish I wasn’t the type of man who did things like that. I wish I wasn’t the type of man that you have to come rescue from the depths of self-despair but I am. I am and fuck am I in deep.”

Your hands come to hold Bucky’s that rest on your cheek before kissing each palm of his hands as tears fall silently down your cheeks. “What did you do?” you ask even though you and Bucky both know. You don’t want to know and fuck, does Bucky want to lie but he needs to tell you the truth so that you can love him for the man he really is: all of his blood, guts and glory.

Bucky looks down briefly not wanting to meet your eyes as he mutters his next words but you pull his chin up by hooking a finger under his chin and forcing him to look you in the eyes. “Before I called you, I killed a man,” Bucky takes a deep breath eyes locking on the ground once more. “That’s a lie, I killed more than one man. They deserved it, they did I promise you babygirl, they did.” You know he’s trying to convince himself more than trying to convince you. Bucky’s eyes are still locked to the ground but he can still hear the strangled sob that leaves your lips as well as your tears crashing to the ground like waves against rocks.

“The type of man that I am, is not one you want to be with. I ride a motorcycle and I’m in a gang one that always leads to bloodshed. We try not to make the first move but somebody always forces our hand.” Bucky says trying to justify his actions to himself as well as you.

Your eyes look anywhere but at Bucky, as you ask, “What did they do to force your hand? And who forced your hand?” Bucky has expected rejection but not this intrigue.

“Hydra, they’re a rival biker gang. All they do is cause pain,” Bucky mumbles, his jaw clenching when he speaks their name, the people that broke him.

You place your hands on his face and pulling slightly so that he’s staring up at you. “What did they do to you?” He wonders momentarily how you know, maybe he’s more transparent than he first thought. He is, you can hear it in his voice, the way his jaw clenches and his shoulders go stiff.

“They made me this man, the one that kills, the one that drives on the open road and never settles down.” He replied but you simply shake your head. This scares Bucky and he asks tentatively, “You hate me don’t you?”

You shake your head once again, “The man I know is not you describe, I know you Bucky - the one that drives me crazy, the one that sets me free.” You don’t wait for Bucky’s reply and instead you lean forward crashing your lips to his, he kisses you back instantly his hair threading in your hair before he pulls you closer flush against his lap. This is the Bucky you know, the Bucky that loved to tease, the Bucky that was the man of your desires and subject of your wet dreams. As you kiss him, tasting the blood on his lips and the salt of his tears you feel the man you saw that day at church. You feel the Bucky you knew kiss back with such fever and passion your heart lurched in your chest. There’s so much love you feel like crying, again but you keep yourself together as Bucky visibly relaxes as your lips meet with love and lust.

When you pull back, when no air is left in your lungs you say with your hands on Bucky’s face making him look at you. “I know you think you’re a bad person for what you’ve done and I know I don’t know everything and I don’t need to because Bucky you are not a man I could hate. No, you are the man that I could love, the man that I love.”

Bucky looks up at you eyes black and hooded with a deadly mix of love and lust. He’s flawed yes, but he never believed that anybody could see past who he really was. Bucky thought you would run away but you only wanted to run into his arms and make him feel something that Hydra took away from him - love. Bucky looks at you and he knows what he feels, the man he once was before his week ago feels closer than ever and he swears he feels the heat of the fire he thought would never light after this night.

“Babygirl, you drive me fucking crazy,” he repeats those words he’s said to you too many times but it’s not what you want to hear.

Bucky leans forward pressing a kiss to your lips before pulling back and pulling you against his chest. Into the darkness, he whispers, “I love you too, babygirl.”


End file.
